You don't need to Mummy Shame

Urgh, I hate the term 'Mummy Shaming' but knobhead Mums doesn't have the same, twee ring to it so we'll have to make do. It bugs me when things like this are given an exclusive term because it means that not only are there enough people around doing it, but it also kind of makes it acceptable and when you put mummy in front of anything it makes it sound much less serious. 




I've been mummy shamed a fair few times on social media and in person. I'm mummy shamed at least one a month - mostly in Instagram and thankfully I have thick enough skin to not care and be able to respond as rudely as I've been approached. I wrote a post a while back about people shaming me for not breast feeding, the breast feeding judgement has passed now that Freddie's older but there's plenty of other things that people are feeling the need to pipe up about. Recently a much better Mummy than me decided to slide onto my DMs to tell me not to carry Freddo front facing, before that I've been criticised having his buggy front facing too soon, having him sleeping in his own room too soon, weaning him too soon and most recently...potty training him too soon. 

I probably come across like an arrogant arsehole when I  not-so-politely tell these people to mind their own businesses but it's not that I think I know better. Being a Mum for the first time is scary, I second guess every decision I make and torture myself with overthinking things more often than not but I have my own network of women to talk to. I have my Mum, Mam-gu, Auntie, Jess and Louise who I always turn to for advice. My Mum was at Freddie's birth, she decided what formula he was going to have because I didn't have a clue, My Mam-gu taught me how to swaddle and gave me the best labour advice I could ever have had, Auntie Ca knows all the winding techniques, Jess is there for every single worry no matter how big or small she'll let me go over and over it and offer what ever advise she has but she never judges, she just listens. Louise does judge, she judges hard and I go to her when I need to be told to get a grip and stop worrying. 

My point is that I have a support network, I have a group of Mummies who I can go to for advice and who, more importantly can comfortably tell me if there's a better or easier way of doing things; I don't need that from strangers on the internet. Some women don't have that, some women can only have pals on the internet and mother and baby groups but whilst this culture of 'mummy shaming' is still around women are going to feel wary of reaching out for support in fear of judgement or being patronised. I'm always a bit taken aback when women reach out to me on Insta, I make it clear that my parenting 'technique' is mostly winging but I think (at least I hope) that I also make it clear that I'm not a smug know-it-all, I'll share my experiences with honesty and not make someone feel small. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, us parents need to stop caring about how we're bringing up each others children and focus on our own. I could not give a flying piece of tofu if Sally down the road is a vegan, I don't care if Timmy is being exclusively breastfed at 6 months and I even don't care if Emily is having a happy meal twice week. Unless I see a kid actively being harmed I'm not passing judgement and I'm certainly not commenting because I'm probably too busy stressing over Freddie shoving a whole rusk in is mouth. Next time you're thinking of offering unsolicited advice, ask yourself if you really need to, think about your tone and make sure you're not being a Knobhead Mum. 

4 comments

  1. It is one thing I hate. Drove me insane. I hope when I do say anything its actually helpful and not dicky, but I wouldnt ever say anything to put someone down. I just don't get that AT ALL. Parent how you want to parent, thats the point. The only time I'm ever a dick is when its affecting my child. Don't want to parent or shout at your child for being bad, or don't want to use the word "No" thats fine, but if he raises his hand to my son and it isn't stopping him, I'm gonna say something. (true story lol)

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  2. It sounds like you have a fantastic support network around you and I am so sorry you have had to put up with the 'know it all's'. You are Freddie's mum, no-one else! I look at half of these 'perfect mum's' with the perfect lives and laugh - knowing full well their lives aren't as fantastic as they attempt to portray. Simply ignoring them and not giving them airspace is the best bet, they simply aren't worth it! Sim xx

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  3. Only you know your child! What might work for one kid won't work for another. You're doing so well and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! ❤️

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