10 Parenting Confessions

We all want to be the perfect Pinterest Mum and I honestly take my hat off to those women out there who have time to make faces out of lunches, craft all afternoon and fold vests like little burritos but I am definitely too lazy for that and I think most parents are so here's a list of 10 things we all do to try and make life with kids a little easier. 

1. "I can't hear that" 

Those with partners will know this method too well, when our little bundles of joy wake in the night when you're both sound asleep, you lie deathly still in the hope that your other half will think that you're fast asleep and get up and deal with the baby so you don't have to. This stand-off doesn't always work too well with Luke and I because he sleeps so deeply that he doesn't wake up and I have to either get up or kick him awake and tell him it's his turn. 

2. "Here's a snack, now stay still" 

As soon as they learn to move they're everywhere. I'm infested with Fred's, there'll be one playing in the ball bit one second and the next thing he's hanging arse first out of the cat litter box. He'll be playing with his cars and as soon as he senses that I might get my phone out of my pocket he's there saying "got, got, got" with his sticky little fingers grabbing at me. Sometimes we just need ten minutes to wash the dishes or cry into a bag of crisps and the only way this can be done is with a high chair, Peppa-twatting-Pig and some 'organic' crunchy snacks. 

3. "It's not stained so therefore it's clean" 

Kid's go through too many items of clothing in a day, I'm facing the constant struggle of deciding whether or not to give him breakfast in his pyjamas or outfit, one is bound to get food on it somewhere not matter how careful we are so we have to ensure that there's a back up. If we manage to go a day without getting something stained you can bet that he'll be wearing it again because a double wear feels like a massive win. 

4. "let's visit Nain" 

Fred loves Nain and Nain loves Fred, Fred might love Nain more than me which is fine. I can deal with that so on days where I might be doing everything wrong and ruining Fred's life we visit Nain and she makes everything ok and I get to sit and aimlessly scroll through Instagram for a bit without having any responsibilities. 

5. "I'll go to the shop"

More often than not I'll forget something pretty important from the shopping, y'know like Milk. This means that one if use needs to urgently go, usually I'd send Luke in his trusty care but these days I jump at the opportunity to leave the house without a buggy and my headphones in even it's just for twenty minutes that break is enough to re-charge my batteries. 

6. "One for you, one for me"

When making Fred's dinners, his quick easy chicken nugget and smiley face dinners I always pop a nugget (or seven) in for me otherwise I'd probably eat all of his. Babies eat slooowly and it's painful watching them take an age to get through a nugget. 

7. "Look a phone!" 

They have that noise don't they, that whinge that your brain just can't cope with and you'll do anything to make it stop including that one thing that you'd swore you'd never do. Like, let them watch Youtube on your phone. Sometimes the only thing left to do is let Fred watch his dots on my phone so the whinge stops.

8. "Here's my sleeve"

They're just constantly snotty aren't they, there aren't enough tissues in the world for their gross little noses and there's been too many times that I've had to use my sleeve to wipe snot away and more often than not he's crawled up to and wiped it which ever part of my body was closest. I'm catching up with him and his pile of washing now. 

9. "Let me just turn that up a bit"

When he's been fed, changed, cuddled, had his temperature checked and we've wound the bobbin up thirteen times there's nothing left to do other than to leave him to it but his crying makes me sad and won't let me concentrate on anything other than the fact that he's crying. This is the one time where I encourage Luke to turn the volume up just to drown it out enough for me to eat mac & cheese in peace. 

10. "Fine, play with the pen lid" 

We spend a fortune on toys, Fred has a brilliant collection of toys and trucks as well a ball pit, box of blocks and a heap of other stuff cluttering up my living room but what does he want to play with...anything but the toys obviously. Sometimes we need to pick our battles wisely and if letting him play with the wondrous pen lid will allow me to down my coffee in peace then so be it.