We all know that I'm not the best at applying tan and we know that this is because is because I lack three skills / qualities that are needed to be a good self tanner: patience, attention to detail and shame. This lack of skills has meant that on more than one occasion I have been left with absolute awful tan disasters, 2010 was a bad year for tan as I spent the majority of it orange with a very patchy neck but my afore mentioned lack of shame allowed me to carry on regardless. These days I mostly apply my tan sober after a good exfoliate and I make sure that my mitt isn't a million years old and I have a little routine to try and ensure that I've covered all the places that I need to. The most annoying thing about self tan has to be the patches that are left when you're between tans, most often there is nothing that can get rid of some of these patches, for me its the ones in the creases of elbows, arm pits and at the back and side of my knees *see image below* I'm not lying when I tell you that I've used a dish sponge on myself to get rid of tan stains before now (do not recommend). Eagerly applying the mousse on Saturday evening on top of old tan meant that I had created an extra patchy later to put the Skin Reviving Scrub to the test...and it passed. 

Since graduating from Uni I developed a really strong work ethic, I've done some shitty jobs over the years and worked for some very strange people as well as some wonderful people. I worked my way up my job-before-last and managed to gain a professional qualification, be praised for my work ethic and service and leave knowing I'd done a bloody good job. I went back to work to a new job when Fred was nine months old, I worked full-time hours, gained a new qualification and managed to juggle studying, being a mum, working and running a home and felt pretty fabulous for it. Now, I'm in a position where I would be better off financially if I didn't work at all. 

I had to reduce my hours to 30 per week because Fred decided to pick up every illness going at nursery which resulted in me getting called out of work pretty much every two weeks and needing to take time off to look after him - I needed to find that work/life balance and thankfully have a very understanding employer who agreed to the reduction and gave me all the support that I needed. In this time I was receiving Universal Credit; a payment for my child in what would've been the old child tax credits, a small amount toward my rent and another smaller amount classed as 'personal allowance' all if this payment went toward the childcare costs (which costs the same as my rent). 

In order to get this payment calculated and awarded, I provided UC with all the relevant documentation and was advised that my amount would probably be the same each month as per my income. I called UC to ask when my payment would be made so I could budget around it and they gave my my payment and assessment period - I asked if I would have to declare my earnings and was advised that HMRC would work it out with them and I didn't have to do anything unless otherwise instructed via my UC Journal. So I didn't, I cracked on paying my childcare costs when the UC payment came through and went on my merry little way.

It was only in February that I realised I wasn't receiving any help with my childcare costs that I could be entitled to some, with this in mind I reported a 'change in circumstances' and began to submit the evidence of my childcare costs and payments in the form of Invoices and Bank Statements dating back to November 2018. I didn't hear anything back from them until late March when I was asked to submit evidence (again) of my childcare costs and payments, I did, and still heard nothing. In early April, when I was invoiced (and had paid) this month's costs I received a message in my journal telling me that I had been overpaid by UC and owed them £700 for period of last year and owed more but was to wait for this to be calculated, in the same message I was advised to contact debt advise - they had no record of the debt as of yet and told me to call back when all the amounts owed had been calculated. 

Late April, after being told that I was potentially in thousands of pounds worth of debt without any explanation and basically told to sit tight, I received another message in my journal asking me to declare my earnings for April by the 3rd of May. Knowing that I only have one pay day per month (that had passed) and being super organised like I am, I called the number straight away and was advised that I had to declare my earnings on the 3rd of May when the assessment period was over. The adviser, as with most UC advisers (shout out the lovely folk that I've had the pleasure of working with and who have been incredibly helpful) that I have encountered was then very keen to end the conversation but I was very keen to ask some pretty reasonable questions such as "how much have I been overpaid?", "How did this happen?", "Am I in trouble?" and "What about the childcare costs? I haven't received a penny for those so do I sill class as having been overpaid?". I was given very short answers. 

HMRC and UC for some reason or another hadn't reported my earnings meaning that the means tested amount that I was receiving was based on an income of £0, thankfully this was nothing to do with me and not my fault but, I was still likely to end up paying the price...literally. I don't have an issue with paying money back, I don't want money that I'm not entitled to but, I am angry that this mistake has been made and I'm in a position where I would be better off not working as I'd get a decent enough UC payment live off without the childcare fees. I'm angry that UC are so chilled about a situation that leaves me in a position where I don't know if I'll be able to make ends meet next month and I'm annoyed that I'm being punished for being a working parent.

The system should be designed so that parents who are able yet don't want to work are given an incentive. Working parents who happily trot off to work shouldn't be put through the stresses of fretting about their finances because a system that clearly doesn't work has fucked up, again. I had a baby knowing I was able to support him, feed him and put a roof over his head but the irony of making such an informed decision is that the majority of people like me are forced into a situation where they're living in poverty until their kids are 2 and they might get some relief with funded childcare hours. It doesn't make sense, since talking about this in Instagram I've had people reach out to tell me that they've had to give up work to stay afloat, some people have had to give up their homes, stop their children from going to childcare because they can't afford it, someone else told me that if neither her or he partner worked, they'd be 2k better off. It's ridiculous. Since this, I've used both Entitledto and Turntous benefit calculators and taking my take home pay and childcare costs into consideration, have calculated that I'm actually being underpaid but will UC work this out too? We'll have to wait and see.

I appreciate that mistakes can happen and I understand that sometimes it's just tough shit but there should at the very least be some empathy from UC and some more details rather than what was pretty much 'you're in a shit tonne of debt now and we'll get back to you'. It's not good enough. Rant over. 

Having kids is expensive, it's alright during the first few months when the reality of maternity pay hasn't punched you in the purse yet and you can live in baby-bliss but as soon as that punch comes, you're financially winded for the foreseeable. The nappies, milk and wipes aren't overly expensive when added up per month but when the time to return to work comes along (and most Mums can't return full-time), the extra cost of childcare gives your bank balance a black eye and the painful pay drop soon makes it's presence known. It's important to go into parenthood with eyes open to the financial impact little bundles of joy will have in your life as well as ways to save and gain money along the way.

 This post is in collaboration with Latest Deals 

Latest Deals is the perfect site for looking for a plethora of bargains. Ranging from household and other items that you're specifically looking for to browsing random bargains, you'll be sure to find an amazing deal somewhere. The kids section has almost everything you need for kids from cots and prams at almost half price in some cases to passes for days out, it's a great way to source necessities and treats whilst saving money. Latest deals is somewhat of a community where members can upload various deals, competitions and freebies that have been spotted both online and in store and the chat function allows members to network as well as shop. 

Before you know it your little one has grown out of / got bored of that expensive toy / piece of baby equipment that scrimped and saved to buy them and you're left with a lump of unused plastic taking up space and burning a hole in your pocket. We've sold most of Freddie's (unused) stuff on and either given the money to him to spend on a new toy or a treat that he doesn't necessarily need or, to put toward something that he does need. Recently we sold Freddie's bouncer, since he started cruising, bouncing is no longer part of his life plan and it was taking up too much room in the forever growing toy corner so we sold it - that money was then put toward getting Freddie some proper shoes, as he's almost on his way to walking he needs his feet measuring and some decent shoes. I've found that the best place for selling things quickly and easily is Facebook Marketplace but there's also, Gum Tree, Ebay and Shpock to name a few.

Shops such as Next, Zara and Gap have a brilliant range of kid's clothes and some that definitely (if they can be afforded) cannot be ignored but we try and be really sensible with where we buy clothes for Fred. Whilst he's crawling around there's no point spending a fortune on trousers that are going to end up scuffed and worn by the end of the day. We also got some much cheaper shoes from George for nursery as shoes, hats and gloves always get mixed up and lost, not to mention all the mess he makes with paints, mud and god knows what else. He never goes to nursery in clothes that we don't want to be ruined, he has so much fun getting messy that it makes sense to send him to nursery in the cheapest clothes possible - we find Peacocks and George are the best for cheap but decent looking clothes as well as good old Primark. 

We got Fred one present for his birthday, he's one and doesn't know what his birthday is let alone a present and we knew that he was going to be getting lots of gifts for his family. We thought long and hard about what he could do with and decided upon a ride-along-toy for him to enjoy in the garden in the warmer weather. It cost £20 from B&M and he thought it was absolutely brilliant in not spending a fortune on toys he doesn't need we were able to put on a small party for him and make memories that will last forever. As much as I would love to shower Freddie with all the toys he could ever want, we also don't want him to become spoilt and expect mountains of gifts each birthday because it won't be long before we'll more than likely be battling queues and wait lists for the latest, over priced toy for Christmases and Birthdays but I'm hoping that by then we won't be paying for childcare that costs as much as our rent.

Meal Planning 

We never do a food shop on a whim because it's too easy to be seduced by deals and the confectionary isle when you don't have a plan. I plan our meals for the week and base our food shop solely on the meals and make sure I avoid all the good isles; this means that not only do we know what we're eating each week and can stay organised but we also know how much we're spending which has allowed us to create a budget and work out what we can spend on some snacks and treats if we want to have a film night or even meal out if we're really good.

Living in Crewe is perfect for the simple fact that's so ideally located for small trips out. Easter holidays, or any school holidays for that matter can make entertaining the smaller people in your life somewhat of a struggle when there's plenty of days to fill with something to do. Whilst our little munchkin isn't at school, we like to make the most of weekends together and ensure that we do something family orientated that we all enjoy, so when Intu Potteries got in touch and asked if we wanted to take a trip to Stoke we jumped at the chance and put their family entertainment to the test and there's no better way to test family entertainment than with a noisy 13 month old who can crawl at around 50 miles per hour.

This post is in collaboration with Intu Potteries but all thoughts are our own 

Nando's

It takes about 20 minutes to get from Crewe to Stoke by car so it's an easy trip to make, we set off at lunch time with the intention of heading straight to Nando's for lunch and then popping literally next door to Cineworld to watch Peppa Pig Festival of Fun straight afterwards. We arrived in good time and were surprised to see that there wasn't a queue for a table. The staff we were friendly and gave us a table with room for the buggy to be stored safely and not in the way (it's so awkward when the buggy is in people's way in restaurants) we got a high chair for Fred who was just thrilled with it. This was the first time that Fred has had his own meal at Nando's, before now he's just had some of ours but his appetite is much bigger and ordering his first Nandino's was the cutest moment; he did this happy little wiggle in his chair all the way through his meal and ate a really good amount. The ice cream at the end was definitely his favourite bit. We found that the kid's meals are really reasonably priced, for a main and two sides and a dessert we paid £5.95 and the portion size was perfect. Freddie had the chicken breast fillet strips and we ordered them PERI-tamer style (slightly and sweetly spiced) with chips and garlic bread. The food arrived quickly enough to avoid any 'hanger' (the boy takes after his mother) and was already served ready for little hands to grab which was convenient because Fred went in. Having never ordered from the Nandino's menu before Luke and I were interested to see how well Nando's had adapted the main menu for little palettes; obviously we couldn't resist having a taste and the chicken was really flavourful but mild enough to manage and the garlic bread as a seasoned mini-burger bun, perfect for little hands.

Luke and I really enjoyed our meal, Nando's is Luke's all time favourite meal so we've tested out a few different restaurants and we agree that the Intu Potteries branch is the best we've been to yet from the decor to quality of food and customer service. We didn't feel like an inconvenience which is something that can often be felt when eating out with a toddler, they're messy, loud and come with lots of baggage (that could be twitter bio) but this particular branch of Nando's was bustling with families and wonderfully accommodating and it's definitely a branch that we'll be visiting again. 

Cineworld 

After the meal we headed straight to Cineworld which was conveniently next door, we'd looked up the film showings before we left and decided that Peppa Pig Festival of Fun was the best option for Freddie as it's more age appropriate and we were a little worried that he'd be too disruptive. We mentioned this to the staff when we ordered our tickets and they advised us that the film is totally interactive so kids are expected to shout, sing and move around. This was a relief as Fred doesn't have any volume control and likes to let the whole world know when he's having a good time. The screen wasn't busy at all which surprised us with it being the holidays and there was only a couple of other families there. We got seats on the front row so that Freddie would be able to crawl around because there is no way that a one year old is going to sit still for 68 minutes; after sitting in his seat for a while Fred decided to crawl up to another family and tell them about his cat "Ah-gert", they were really friendly and weren't annoyed with my gobby little baby. When the film started Fred relaxed on my knee and giggled away at Peppa, he lasted a good 50 minutes in the cinema but became restless and needed changing, we decided to leave rather than force him to stay and disrupt the other families. Before went into the screen, we were allowed to store the buggy in a locked room, when we came out a member of staff got it out for us and we headed back to the shopping centre to have a look around the shops and spot some big bugs.

Big Bugs on tour

Ever wondered what bugs look like close up? Big Bugs have taken over Intu Potteries until the first of May. There are 12 giant bugs scattered across the centre, some look kind of cute like the big Nut Weevil below and some are a little terrifying like the Hornet that I didn't get a shot of. Each bug has a little summary next to it as well as the option to text a specific number to make it talk. You can download a guide for the Big Bugs on the Intu Potteries site or, pick one up from the Customer Service Desk. There's also a Bug Hunt for kids to take part in where, once completed, they can collect a certificate. The bugs are a brilliant for way for entertaining kids (and partners) during shopping trips. This isn't the only event that Intu Potteries have arranged, check out their events page to see what's coming up. Intu Potteries also have a Family Club which is free to join and provides you with exclusive offers and discounts - If you join before the 30th April 2019 you will be automatically entered into a competition to win 4 Playmobil Gift Eggs.

The Shopping Experience 

I was keen to have a look around the shops, Peppa Pig isn't that wonderful for adults and we needed some retail therapy. Unfortunately one of the lifts was out of use and not long after we arrived, the other lift also became out of use. I was worried that this was going to ruin the trip and make getting about really difficult but the friendly Intu staff were on hand to direct us to the Debenhams lift and helped us work out which floors we wanted to go on. Luke and I managed to have a good look around H&M (there isn't one in Crewe) whilst Fred browsed the accessories and we even treated ourselves to some new tops.

I noticed a small soft play area in the centre that was perfect for letting little ones have a play but also a stretch if they've been in buggies. I always feel a little guilty when I take Fred shopping in his buggy because there's no where to let him out but this added detail was a brilliant idea and perfectly safe too.

Someone put Fred's shoes on the wrong feet

Vlog 

We also Vlogged our day so that you can get a good idea of the atmosphere of Intu Potteries as well as witness Freddie's adorable happy Nando's Dance.

We all know this stroke has been a whirlwind of an adventure, it started off as nightmare and it broke me for a bit, I was angry, anxious and unsure of my future. The Stroke Association recently published a statistic saying that 45% of stroke survivors feel abandoned once discharged from hospital and I am most definitely part of that percentage. Although the Community Stroke Team were in touch with my Mum, arranging to see me within 24 hours, I still felt lost. Stroke recovery is a waiting game and survivors switch between being the most motivated people to get their lives back to wondering if life will ever be the same again. I can confirm it won't, life will be different but it doesn't have to be bad.

I've included the vlog this week because it's been a pretty big one stroke-wise. I had the ECG monitor fitted for 48hrs that wasn't half as bad as I thought it was. It barely got in the way and I was allowed to take it of for a little but to have a shower. Hopefully enough data was collected to get some decent results (the kind that say there's nowt wrong with me). I also had an appointment with the stroke consultant and it went so well I can't not write up about it here. I went in with a few questions that I didn't think I would get answers but I have, and they're not bad answers at at that. 

The consultant asked me what happened, "I had a stroke" was the short answer but the long one was discussing my life pre-stroke, health problems, blood pressure etc (that were all good and healthy). We then went on to discuss the pill, the coil bleed and the mefanamic acid that I was prescribed not long afterwards. The consultant said the chances of the pill causing the pill are very slim but not impossible especially considering the amount of bleeding I had done that past year. Ultimately the Dr and my Mum ruled the stroke down to tough shit but I'm still pending some further blood test results to see if I have any blood disorders that could cause clots as well as an Echocardiogram to have a good look at my ticker. 

The Dr showed me the images from my Angio CT scan, he was looking at the two main arteries that lead from my heart to my brain, any dark patches on them would indicate that there's some sort of damage that could cause a stroke, thankfully they were fabulous and glowing away. He didn't have the images of my brain but said we could look at them at my next review (I'm honestly dead excited about this), I can't wait to see the brain damage and the blood clot. I'm no longer scared of what happened, I've owned my stroke and I'm fascinated by what happened to me. 

Ultimately, there's no knowing but whilst there's no definitive reason as to why the stroke happened there's also no definitive reason as to why it will happen again. The Dr said that out of all the young stroke survivors that he's treated, the ones with unknown reasons are the ones that have a higher chance of survival and don't have any further strokes. It's ironic that I've been so frustrated and anxious over not having an answer to this that the best answer that I could have and find comfort in is pretty much a big fat dunno mate. 

I'll be on Clipodogrel (or some sort of anti-platelet) forever, there will be times when my medication will be reviewed and possibly changed but its better to be safe than sorry and whilst my blood is less sticky, it's less likely to clot and go and f*ck my brain up. At first I thought that being on medication forever would be terrible, there's certain anti-biotics I can't take and I can't NSAIDS so I'm a bit stuck in that sense but it's not something that can't be worked around and I'd rather be in a bit of pain than have a stroke again.

Yes! But not just yet. Luke and I definitely want more children and after everything we went through to get pregnant we were thrilled to find that I was ovulating all on my own like a big girl after having Fred (hence the need for contraception) for now, it's not the best time to have a baby and my body definitely needs a break but I will be allowed to get pregnant when we're ready. Obviously I'll be closely monitored, I'll have to take Aspirin rather than Clopidpgrel and just take it easy - it'll be another couple of years until we're ready for another baby but I'm so happy to know it's still an option. 

I can even take progesterone only contraception if I want such as the mini pill or attempt the coil again. The only issue with this is that it's a bit scary and I don't want to end up sending my ovaries to sleep because I don't think we'll qualify for help with waking them up again. We'll see, for now I'm not ready to think about it I need to give myself more time to heal. 

Although my body is pretty much back to normal, my lower eyelid doesn't work and some muscle around there isn't doing it's job. The Dr said that it's still very soon after the stroke and these things just take time but there's no reason why it won't come back. The fact that I'm only experiencing numbness as opposed to no feeling at all means that the nerves are working and it's just a case of waiting for the cells to regenerate and work out how to use them.

I'll have another review with the Consultant in two months to go over the last of the blood results and have a look at my echo scan. The Dr seemed unconvinced that they're going to come back with anything which is comforting. Overall, the appointment went really well and I've come out of it pretty buzzing The future that I thought was snatched away from me is back, I can fly (on a plane, not literally), have more babies, live my life and not in fear of it happening again. Having some answers and getting an understanding of what happened has done the world of good and knowing that I'll have definitive answers in two months means that my residence in Stroke-Limbo is coming to an end.

It still blows my mind that strokes are often pain free, you'd imagine having a blood clot stuck in your bran and depriving it of oxygen would be painful but it's not. If I wasn't panicking at the same time because I knew that something bad was happening I would go as far as to say that it's sort of relaxing in a sick way, the tingling sensation and the feeling of drifting away was almost like some weird state of mediation (that my Mum kept kept interrupting with instructions like, "lift your arms above your head" and "smile for me"). It's the after affects of stroke that hurt, I wrote about my life post-stroke last month here. 

I'm still living in stroke-limbo, I've some of my heart tests and I've got a consultation back in Stoke tomorrow that I'm nervous and excited about. Since last month I've also started therapy; I was (still am I guess) suffering from anxiety (a common side affect of stroke). I've never had anxiety before, I've felt anxious about certain things but the difference between feeling anxious about something and having anxiety are massive and something that I feel often gets confused. I was living in a constant state of panic, adamant that another stroke was going to happen, or a heart attack or that somehow I was going to die or get locked in or end up with severe brain damage and unable to recognise, let alone look after Fred. This fear was unhealthy and causing me to be permanently angry, I was lashing out at Luke 'for not caring enough' every time he tried to reassure me because any reassurance wasn't enough, I was snapping at my Mum for not having the answers to absolutely everything and I was miserable, just moping around the house being a stroke victim, hating my life. 

I was physically suffering too, the signs of panic and anxiety are heart palpitations, breathlessness and light-headedness - I was getting these when I felt stressed and worried about something but also out of the blue, in the middle of Asda when I thought I was feeling alright. This lead to more panic and more anxiety and because I didn't know thats that what it was, I immediately thought that it was the symptoms of an underlying heart condition and that I was obviously going to die which lead to...yep, more panic. I was trapped in this cycle of being scared, having symptoms of panic and not having a clue what to do. It took a chat with my cousin to make me realise that I might be suffering a bit mentally and need some help with processing it all. Everyone agreed that my feelings were understandable and totally justified but I wasn't that nice to be around and it wasn't healthy for anyone. 

When I identified that I wasn't coping and that my symptoms were more indicative of panic and anxiety, I immediately felt relieved. I cope best when I know whats going on, the fear of the unknown and not being able to control situations sets me on edge and that stroke-limbo situation wasn't doing me any favours. My mum contacted the Community Stroke Team and told them that I wasn't doing to so well and I arranged a session with a therapist to look unto some CBT and other methods of coping. Having that chat with the therapist on the phone just to arrange the session made feel better and the following week before the planned session was amazing. For the first time since the stroke happened, I lived. I didn't wake up with a feeling of dread at the pit of my stomach and I barely noticed any palpitations. I lived for each day and made the most of the nice weather, I spent time in the garden, took Freddie out, got coffee and went for a drink with my Mum. At the end of each day my back and shoulders were aching because seven weeks of tension and stress was finally letting go and my body was relaxing rather than being tense and uptight. My Mum said that I was nice to be around and she was getting 'good vibes' from me, Luke wasn't hating being in my company because I'd stopped lashing out and snapping at him. Things felt good. 

I started therapy and it was good to talk to someone who could understand what was going on in my head, we came to the conclusion that I'm a bit of a control freak and the lack of control as well as knowledge of the future unnerve me and make me stressed causing me to react. The addition of having lots of questions that I know can't be answered yet doesn't help not to mention the fears of it, or something worse happening again. I've started to think more rationally now, I had a vein raise up in my arm last week and although it definitely made me panic, I took control of the situation, called 111 and received the clinical advice that I needed to put me at ease; deep down I knew that the vein was just a raised vein but there was a niggling voice at the back of my head saying "it's a blood clot and it's going to travel to your brain and cause another stroke and kill you", rather than cry and panic, I took control of the situation and managed it. 

Having medically trained friends and family really helps too, after the raised vein I somehow convinced myself that I had high blood pressure (a leading contributor to strokes) raised veins can be  sign of this as well as palpitations and light-headedness, dya see where I'm going with this? My niggling thoughts started to spiral and before I knew it I had put a blood pressure monitor in my Amazon basket. I started talking to my friends about my worries about my blood pressure and Nurse Lauren, without me realising, clearly identified what was going on and managed to distract me from the blood pressure thoughts to the point where one we'd finished chatting about babies and whatever else, I'd completely forgotten about it all. This was when I realised that I needed to take time out and practice mindfulness like my therapist had suggested. 

I always considered mindfulness to be a little arty-farty and not very me. Sitting and colouring in isn't really my vibe, nor is meditating when I have a thousand worries on my mind because I'll just overthink them but mindfulness isn't just about that. In context to my recovery, I have a lot of worries and thoughts that need processing, some are really rational like 'how the hell are we going to pay the gas bill' and others are rational but also spiral out of control such as 'what will happen to Freddie if I die? Will Luke move to Hemel? I don't want Freddie to not see his cousins here, what about the cats? OH MY GOD THE CATS! Will Luke be ok? What if he never reads Hairy McLairy to Freddie? He won't keep the cats' When that kind of thought came to me, and spiralled I would often race down the stairs and blurt it all out at Luke who wouldn't have a clue what I was on about or what the emergency was, probably say the wrong thing to which I'd lose my shit over and have a go at him for. These days, when a thought like that starts rearing it's head I distract myself, I have a bath, paint my nails read a book or start cleaning to take my mind of it and give it a break from worrying. 

These methods are working really well for me and I've come to learn that mindfulness is about being in the moment and present rather than worrying about what has happened and overthinking and stressing about what could happen. I'm over the anger and I'm almost over the worry; I'm at a point in my recovery where I'm happy to be alive, for however long that might be and I'm going to try and enjoy every day that I've got left rather than just exist (still worried about the cats though).

I'm also very conscious of the slight wonkiness of my face, whilst I'm fortunate enough to have recovered to the point where my stroke is no longer visibly noticeable and barely when I talk, I know that my lower eyelid doesn't work and I can see that smile lines appear on the side of one eye and not the other and usually, in these kind of situations I tend to ignore / neglect the issue until it goes away or, get fixed. For example, when I decided I was going to dye my hair darker (yeah I'm brunette again) I couldn't really be arsed with my hair anymore and my appointment was a few days away so I just shoved it up on top of my head and ignored it until it was sorted...I can't do that with my face can I. So, as cheesy as this sounds, I decided to own my face, to touch it and care for it and get to know it again despite the wonkiness that I don't like and the muscles that don't work because there's a chance they might not ever work again so I better get used to my face. 

As I mentioned above, it was this product that lead me over to the display stand and I'm not mad about it. The smell is incredible and makes me feel immediately relaxed - I apply this at nighttime because it really chills me out and taking the time to massage it into my face is something that I'm starting to enjoy which is always good. I've also ordered a Jade Roller from my pal Nikki because if you're not rolling oil on your face then what are you doing with your life?. Garnier were right about skin instantly feeling nourished and softer, the oil immediately feels amazing and adds and extra layer of moisture that soaks into skin without leaving a layer of sticky residue. If I could only buy one item from the collection then I think it'd be this one. 

I've been loving this toner or more, my skin has been loving this toner. It's doing a cracking a job at reducing my pores which is something that I've been conscious of since not taking much care of my face. The texture of my skin has definitely changed and feels smoother and make-up is applying much easier than it was before without leaving any bumps or dry patches. As with everything in this collection, the scent is to die for and it feels both refreshing and relaxing with the mixture of thyme and essential oils. 

• Infused with Lemograss Essential Oil 
• Clears away oil, dirt and pollution residues without drying skin out 

Just when we thought that my overly dramatic life was starting to calm down and become somewhat boring (even the Stroke content was wearing thin) Freddie decided that we needed to spend the night in hospital just to keep things interesting and see if my heart could handle the stress. He's such a lovely boy.