Babies are weird, like scary weird. As much as they're cute and all that they often weird and freaky things that make you laugh out of nervousness because otherwise you might end up having a breakdown or calling a priest. Here's ten weird things my kid has done this week:

1. Tries to feed something that I can't see. Whatever it is stands to the right of him when he's in his high chair and is a good girl. I'm chalking it down to imagination because the other option is a bit too scary for me. 

2. Deliberately bangs his head on the floor or wall to make himself cry if his tantrum isn't working 

3. Growls at me, usually in public places when there's plenty of people to hear 

4. He doesn't understand what his shadow is and thinks it's a little baby in the wall chasing him, at least it keeps him occupied for a while 

5. Wants to play with anything that isn't his like knives, hot drinks and anything else that might be harmful

6. Has absolutely no sense of danger and will willingly fling himself off the sofa or anyone's shoulders but will cry if he falls over whilst crawling

7. Tries to drink my coffee as often as possible

8. Shouts 'Yes' if I say no but still calls me A Hag instead of Mama 

9. Tells me, daily that his Auntie's dog Oscar is a good dog 

10. Eats cat biscuits

I wasn't expecting another consultation for a couple of months but last Tuesday I got a call from my Consultant's secretary saying "The Dr has found the cause of your stroke and wants to see you this week to discuss your treatment", bricks were shat. We all know how long appointments take to come through so the fact that I was being seen within days felt rushed and urgent and that can never be good news. I returned to my desk and sat and had a silent panic / flap. I told my friend what happened and she advised calling them back and asking what was wrong with me and if it was something terrible. I called back and the secretary was really reassuring, she said that if it was something life threatening I'd be rushed in via ambulance immediately and I was to try and relax and enjoy spending time with my son. I tried so hard to chill out but I was a mess, still shitting bricks, having panic and anxiety symptoms and generally flipping out. After approximately 34 years, Friday came along and my Mum and I took that dreaded trip to Newcastle and here's what went down.

Rhiannon and I spent a lot of time speculating what could be wrong, I was expecting something like Atrial Fibrilation which is really manageable but on top if that and in a my state of panic I had also convinced myself that I had bowel cancer, kidney failure and heart disease. Rhiannon had set herself on Vascular Dementia or HIV, we're a positive pair. When the consultant opened the door to invite us into his office we noticed that he had a mate (another Dr) in there with him which immediately made us think SHIT, there's always two when it's bad news. Turns it the news wasn't so bad but I still have no idea why he was there...he was a nice guy though. 

The first thing that the consultant did was get my MRI scan pictures up because he knew I was keen to have a look at my brain, he went through each image and explained what had happened. The two light areas are the two spaces where the stroke had damaged my brain, I think he said that the lightness or darkness of the patches of damage show how recently they happened and the damage of my noggin was definitely due to the old stroke. He also reconfirmed that there wasn't any damage done to my Internal Cartoid Arteries that is most common in older stroke survivors. 

He then went through the blood results that had come back and said that my blood had high levels of two anti-bodies; Anti-cardiolipin and B2 Glycoprotein and these fitted me right into the box of someone with Antiphospholipid Syndrome or, APS or, Hughes Syndrome. Obviously I know pretty much nothing about this at the moment but in a nutshell it's sticky blood and the fact that I went on a high Estrogen pill caused my blood to thicken right up and whack a clot on my brain. I asked some very important questions that my consultant had already anticipated because he's dead good like that;

Why have I developed APS?

Pregnancy, most women who don't have APS before pregnancy often develop it afterwards, it could be something to do with the change of hormones or it could be something dead complicated and sciency that I have no clue about but the good news out of this is that it means that it's not hereditary and it's very unlikely that I've passed anything on to Freddie. 

Can I still have more children?

Yes, but with very strict monitoring and I would be induced early and very likely need a section. Sadly most women are diagnosed with APS after suffering multiple miscarriages or still births so the fact that a stroke was the indicator or my APS seems more like a blessing now. With the right medication and monitoring 80% of women with APS go on to have successful pregnancies so as you can imagine the decision to have another baby isn't something that we'll be taking lightly. 

What are the symptoms of APS

From what I can gather it's pretty much symptom free hence why it's hard to diagnose and most people are only diagnosed after having suffered, DVT, Strokes, Heart Attacks and Multiple Miscarriages so again, I think I'm pretty lucky. 

Watch the consultation vlog here 

My treatment will change, I need to go on a blood thinner rather than anti-platelet; I'll be joining my Granddad at the Warfarin clinic, this is the main thing that scared me, Warfarin seems like such a scary drug but so many people are on it and have normal lives that I'm coming round it it. The regular check ups at the clinic will work wonders for my anxiety as the monitoring will really put me at ease and maybe stop me from pestering that poor pharmacist at my local pharmacy for blood pressure checks...maybe. I'll be on Warfarin for the rest of my life and will probs have to get some fancy warfarin medical jewellery because it's better to be safe than sorry. The consultant said that there's no great rush to start the warfarin so I've got time to get loads of tattoos and piercings before I do. 

Warfarin does cause birth defects so during pregnancy I would get Heparin injections to keep my blood thin to try and avoid pre-eclampsia and another bloody stroke, or worse. 

I have mixed feelings, there's no cure for APS so it's all about ongoing lifelong treatment which seems daunting but it's also tough shit, I have to deal with it. I'm happy to have a cause for the stroke and the fact that I'll get ongoing and regular monitoring really puts me at ease. The thought of being on Warfarin forever still scares me a little and there's the pregnancy dangers but ultimately, I'm glad it's a condition that thousands of people live with and go on to live normal and healthy lives. My stroke seems like such a teeny factor in this mental journey that my body is taking me on.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; giving birth isn't the most delightful experience, the outcome is worth it but the aftermath can be pretty traumatic in itself and leave new mums in a pretty vulnerable state. We all know how Fred's birth went down and the subsequent dramas that ensued but I never really talked about my stay in hospital. I was only in for just over 24 hours but those few hours in the ward was an experience in itself. From arguing new parents, screaming mums and babies, my burning bits and the Bounty woman creeping in and out of  the bay, it was something I won't forget.

This post is in collaboration with Bott and Co.

Picture this, I'm sort of sitting on the bed, more squatting over it because I'm too scared to put any actual pressure on my bum and sit down because there are approximately ten thousand stitches holding me closed; I haven't got my hospital bag, my bits are on fire and I'm looking at this little thing that I just pushed out wondering what the hell to do with him, or my bits and wondering where food is because I am starving. Whilst I'm pondering how to deal with my brand new life as though it's a shock that I gave birth, like I didn't plan it or spend the past nine months expecting it, this woman appears out of nowhere with a camera in one hand and some kind of lucky bag in the other.

She offers to take a photo of Fred (like I haven't already filled up my phone memory and cloud with photos of him) in a pain-induced daze (the meds hadn't been round yet) I politely declined her offer of a photoshoot, explained that I didn't have a card or cash on me to pay and that my snap happy mum would be returning with her own massive camera later. The woman/magician then pulled out an Ipad and asked for some details "to sign me up" and perched herself on my bed, probably out of jealousy that she could perch I told her I didn't want to sign up and pretended that I needed the loo (I didn't, I was still terrified to pee at this point) and she moved on to the woman next to me. 

I'm glad that I didn't sign up to Bounty there and then because it has come to light that Bounty have illegally breached approximately 34.4 million data records belonging to 14 million people in recent years. These records including babies dates of birth, pregnancy statuses and postal and email addresses have been sold on to large companies such as Indicia and Sky. If you've signed up to Bounty and have received an influx of marketing emails in your inbox then the chances are that Bounty are to blame. I'm not often surprised when companies sell on personal data but it makes me feel especially uncomfortable that Bounty who are in some people's experiences renowned for preying on women when they're arguably at their most vulnerable are going on to further abuse that position by passing on confidential information for financial gain.

More shockingly, thousands if not millions of parents are totally unaware of this breach in Data Protection. whilst Bounty have been fined £400,000 by the ICO (Information Commissioner's Office), the damage of this data misuse has already been done, sold and used by other companies. Thankfully, Bott and Co are working together to create a group legal claim for those affected, if you feel that this is you then sign up here. Bott and Co are working on a no win no fee basis, having recently been featured on the Money Show and having excellent feedback from customers they have proved that they are a reliable solicitors passionate about consumer rights, Coby Benson, Solicitor at Bott and Co says “Personal data is being lost, stolen and compromised on a mass scale and at an alarming rate – and it is simply not acceptable. In this case, Bounty sold its customers’ data for its own financial gains, which is shocking. We’re starting group legal action against Bounty as it has breached data protection laws by sharing personal and potentially sensitive information of millions of parents and parents-to-be.” Read more about the Bott and Co's plan of action here and don't hesitate to contact them if you have any queries.

I didn't know a lot about Strokes until I had one (I had a Stroke if you didn't know) and to save you having to have one I thought I'd jot down some of the things that I didn't know so that you can know them too. Cool? Cool.

1. They can happen for no reason, as in, one day a bit of blood can decide to get stuck in your brain, kill a bit of it and you'll never know why. Mind-blowing (excuse the pun) isn't it? 

2. The brain can fully recover from a Stroke, I thought that once you had a Stroke you were pretty f*cked and the damage that you had was forever. When I was sitting in my hospital bed with my harm hanging by my side and only half my face working I didn't properly believe the Dr's when they said I'd make a full recovery, how can you go from having paralysed limb to not having one? Bloody magic the brain is. 

3. Strokes don't always hurt, when they're happening they can feel weird but often not painful

4. They really do ruin your life, and it takes a lot of mind over matter and mindfulness (with a damaged mind) to come to terms and move on from it. 

5. There's more than one type of Stroke; Ischemic and Hemorrhagic. An Ischemic stroke occurs when a clot blocks the flow of blood to the brain. In a Hemorrhagic stroke, blood leaks into the brain from a ruptured vessel. There are also Mini Strokes or TIAs that are smaller strokes with temporary symptoms, whilst they tend to go away they're often a warning sign and shouldn't be ignored.

6. The timescale for the most effective and successful recovery is just three hours after the first symptom. That is why it's so important to think F.A.S.T and get to a hospital if you suspect you or someone else is having Stroke. 

7. If caught in time, Strokes can be very simple to treat. I was given Aspirin, a simple drug that can be bought in the health section of most shops. 

8. Stroke is the fourth leading cause of death un the UK 

9.  A stroke that occurs on one side of the brain will cause damage to the opposite side of the body. Right side brain damage, for example, normally causes left side physical symptoms. 

10. Although full recovery is possible from a Stroke there are often long-term effects, mine include, tightening of my face when I'm tired or nervous, a heaviness in my arm when I've been active and forgetfulness.

I've been very lucky to have not been as physically affected by my Stroke as some survivors but I've suffered nonetheless. Whilst there are some excellent resources out there from professional organisations to help survivors overcome and cope with the mountains of emotional and physical challenges that are all part and parcel or having a Stroke, finding advice from real life survivors and seeing how far they have come has been a massive help in my emotional and physical recovery so I've made a list of the resources, tips, tools and tricks that have helped me throughout my recovery.

The Community Stroke team are probably one of the most responsive teams I've had the pleasure of experiencing from our NHS, they seemed to be at my door before I'd even chance to process the fact that I'd had a Stroke, I remember sitting with wonky face and waving my dead hand at two OH's two days after my Stroke and I'll always be grateful for their quick response and all the reassurance that medical professionals gave that I would recover, but it wasn't enough. Strokes take away every thing you know and you can't believe even the most qualified people telling you that you'll be fine because as far as you know, they haven't been through it. For me, I needed to find my people, fellow survivors who had well...survived, who had gone through a terrifying experienced and lived to tell the tale and live pretty much normal lives...and I did. Us Stroke Folk find our own and as soon as a new member to the club that no one wants to join pops up we grab them and give them all the advice, love and support that they need.

Paul found me on Twitter and he just instantly knew how I was feeling and how I was going to feel. Not only is he just a message away but he also has the most detailed account of a Stroke and Stroke Recovery that I've found, I'm still my working my way through it but finding that all my thoughts and feelings were normal convinced me that I was going to be ok one day and knowing that there's a whole community of people out there willing to welcome people in makes even the numbest part of my face tingle 

I found Gracie Morrell when watching Stroke Recovery videos on Youtube, watching her smile and laugh he way through her situation whilst being so candid about her experience was just what I needed, the seriousness of Strokes can be overwhelming and having someone normalise it made me feel more normal. 

The Three Stromies is an account that found me on Instagram and even featured me on their grid a couple of weeks ago. They're a wonderful community of survivors sharing stories, motivational quotes and people making the absolute most of life, I recommend following them if you want some positivity in your feed.

Stimulating facial nerves 

I'm still suffering some facial numbness and and that lower eyelid is still not arsed about being part of my face but I've found some every day beauty tools are helping to get those nerves back in order as well as help ease my face when it goes tight due to tiredness. I've been using my Magnitone Cleansing Brush and Silicone Cleanser are great for not only cleaning my face but also giving my face different sensations to feel and get re-used to. The Micro-sonic pulses help me ascertain where has little and most sensation and track my progress. I've also been using a Jade Roller to massage my various facial oils into my skin a few times a week, the rolling works to massage my face when it's particularly tight and tired as well as provide another sensation for my nerves to get used to; Jade also has some healing benefits that can only help with progress.

In addition to the above, I've been following the Speech Therapist's guidance with ticking my face with make-up brushes and inside my face with my toothbrush. From what I was told, retraining those nerves to feel again is all about stimulating them and most of us have a lot of every day items that we can use. 

Finding fun ways to do physio 

I was fortunate to not need intense physiotherapy, my hand was expected to make a full recovery thank thankfully it did but the advice that the Physio team gave to me was to crack on with life and try and do as much as possible on my own. The day after my Stroke the Phsyio and the Consultant watched me put my PJ bottoms on singlehandedly, literally and said that the sooner I get used to doing things unaided, the quicker I'd recover. I thought that they were tight at the time but they were right. If you still have some movement in your hand then there's some fun ways that you can try and do some physio:

• Nail painting, both disastrous and hilarious 
• Thumb wars 
• Play dough and / or Slime 
• Painting (like Gracie Morrell)
• Singing nursery rhymes and doing the actions 
• Computer games (handling a controller) 
• Sorting sweets and chocolates into colour order before eating them 

Turning it into something positive 

Allow yourself to grieve 

Believe in your recovery 

Returning to work after the weekend can be painful enough but going back after a long period of time off can be even worse. I'll be returning to work (for the second time in a year) after taking three months off to recover from a Stroke. The first time I went back was in November and I was in fact starting a whole new job and leaving the kid at nursery. This time around I've gotten to know my colleagues and can just about remember my job so it's not as daunting but there are definitely some measures that I can put into place to make the transition as smooth as possible. 

The morning routine is solely my responsibility so I have run it with military precision to ensure that we are both out of the door on time and not for a day of number crunching and finger painting (I'll leave you to guess who does what). At his earliest (I've probably jinxed this now) Fred wakes up at around 7am. Whilst I've been off work and our mornings haven't needed to be rushed, he's been my little alarm clock but we can't be starting our day on his terms anymore. It's hard to try and get us both dressed, fed and ready to leave at the same time so I've found that beating the baby albeit a struggle to begin with, is a much easier and stress-free way of getting ready to go; I tend to get up an hour to forty-five minutes before Fred to give myself chance to down coffee, get dressed and ready, down more coffee as well as pack his nursery bag, feed the cats and anything else that I can fit in that time. This means that once he's up I can totally focus on him and even give him time to have  a little play with the washing machine if he's lucky.

Fred is now at the age where he can feed himself pretty well (we're still working on spoon feeding) but I'm confident with leaving him to eat without leaning over him making sure he chews and swallows every bite without choking. Sometimes mornings don't go to plan and I need some baby-free time to find clean trousers for him, work out where he's hidden my work pass and try and dissuade the cat from living in the cupboard. In these cases some toast and fruit (let's be honest it's mostly chocolate spread on toast) is an ideal breakfast to let Fred enjoy / throw on the carpet whilst I run around like a lunatic. In other situations, letting Fred banquet alone isn't ideal and he needs speed-feeding some porridge in record timing whilst I simultaneously down coffee...in record timing. 

I can't stress how handy this tip is, I do everything the night before starting with choosing and planning the next day's outfits for both of us (plus a couple of back up outfits for Fred), packing both our bags and double checking we have everything we need, planning my makeup and hair and keeping the items needed in an easily accessible box next to my mirror where I get ready. I prepare Freddie's morning bottle the night before (he's on cow's milk so it's just poured and popped in the fridge) and make sure that if I'm having a packed lunch it's also prepped and ready to go. This means that in the morning (providing that all things are going to plan), we just get up, dressed, eat and go.

Since my Stroke, a to do list is my new favourite thing; my memory isn't what it used to be and I often second guess and don't trust myself. Writing everything that needs to be done down ensures that I don't forget anything but I've also found that writing down questions (for appointments) that I may forget in the moment down ensures that they get asked. This applies to returning to work when you'll be asked if you need anything, if there's anything that can help you and if you're unsure of your duties and how to complete them. There's a lot of my job that I'll have forgotten but I know that there's no expectation for me to suddenly remember everything, I'll have lots of questions, things that I need re-training on and some time to gain some confidence and that's ok. Being prepared and aware of it is the first step to improving. 

If you can afford it I highly recommend getting a new work outfit or something that you'd wear to work to help you feel the part, there's a saying that goes something along the lines of "dress as the boss you want to be" for me it's "dress like you can remember where you are". I've spent the past three months in leggings, jeans and baggy jumpers and I've got to root out some smart trousers, get my heels on and dress for the office and looking the part also makes me feel the part. (In addition to this, I can't seem to find my black trousers anywhere and need to get some new ones), having a new outfit, coat or shoes can really help make a day of work feel much better. 

Having a structured plan for the evening helps make sure that you stay on top of home and work life. Returning to work is exhausting and by Friday (presuming you work Mon-Fri) you'll be ready to sleep for a week but making sure you've got things done in the week means that you can factor in some well deserved chill time. I'be found the concept of a 'Hinch half-hour' really useful in making sure that housework gets done, in that time I can hoover and mop the floors, put some washing on and quickly clean the bathroom and kitchen each day I can mix it up so that by the weekend I have time for family (and sleeping). 

As I mentioned above, the transition back to work after a long period of time off and especially for reasons due to illness and maternity leave is exhausting and it's all about balance and making sure that you don't become too overwhelmed but also stay organised. Finding a routine can take it's time as can adjusting to the change and if you're struggling seek help from friends, family and employers to avoid any additional stress and worry.